Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
P. J. O'Rourke
Matt, my youngest, enjoys going to the card shop in Carmichael, CA. I don't know why he does this: most of the players are pre-teens or young teenagers, though the guys Matt hangs out with are more his age. It's a pleasant enough way to spend a Sunday, as opposed to sitting in a pew listening to a self-important bigot. I know this well: I did it for years myself.
So, I was dropping Matt off at the card shop, and as I walked in, I noticed that on the counter was a rather large statuette, about 10 inches tall, green, with tentacles in some of the weirdest places. It took me a few moments, but I began to realize just what this was.
I walked up the counter, Matt following, and I asked, "Excuse me, but is that C'Thulhu?"
The clerk, a young kid in his early 20's, blinked in surprise. "Well, yes. Yes, it is, sir. Most people don't recognize it."
"It was hard to miss," I answered.
Matt rolled his eyes. "Dad..."
"So, how much for the Elder God?" I asked.
He quoted me a price. I grinned for a moment. For the price quoted, I could pick that up with a cash advance.
"Do you have it in chrome?"
The kid behind the counter blinked again. Matt moaned, "Daaaaaad...!"
"Chrome?" the clerk asked. "I-I guess I could check in with our supplier..."
"Great!" I said. "See, I've got a Peterbilt 379 I drive, and I was thinking that would make one hell of a hood ornament."
The clerks eyes widened. Matt threw his hands up. "Dad, you are embarassing me!"
"And, say, do you sell like a little Santa hat for him? You know, for Christmas!"
Matt fled for the door, as the clerk's jaw hit the countertop. "Dad, I don't know you! God! I can't believe you did this!!!"
I don't know why Matt was so upset. I asked at a chrome shop if they sold one, and they told me I was a weirdo.
