It is not giving children more that spoils them; it is giving them more to avoid confrontation.
John Gray
"I'm moving in with some friends," Matt announced.
Peggy and I were left sitting in the bed, surprised. "Fine, I guess," I said after a long pause. "How are you going to afford it?"
"I've got my GI Bill. I'll find a job."
Riiiiiight, I thought. You've been home from the Army for around six months, haven't even bothered to go out and put in applications, and you're now telling me you're going to just go out and get a job. I was beginning to wonder what my youngest son had been smoking, and further asking myself if it would show up on a UA. If not, I wanted a hit.
Matt's decided he doesn't like the atmosphere here at the house. I want him to get a job, get on his feet, and start to deal with the heartbreak of losing a child we never knew he had. I want him to get healthy, to start to deal with the issues that got him tossed out of the military in the first place. He doesn't want to do that.
I'm torn. I know as a father, I have to let him go. He's 21 years old, and legally an adult. He's relatively sane, (at least as sane as any person in their early 20's can be), and he's taking some responsibility for his life. I'm grateful for that.
But I also know he's not ready. He's got a lot to deal with on his plate, and once he's gotten the last of his gear out into my Chevy pickup, he won't deal with it. It's going to get shoved under the bed, along with old socks, sneakers, and empty pizza boxes. I'm worried.
I know for a fact that I shouldn't be; I was in far worse shape when I finally got clear of my parents, (and even then, they kept interjecting themselves into our lives, much to our own destruction.) I still managed to get and keep jobs, support and raise a family, and eventually, work towards buying a truck. (Still working at it.) It's a hard run for anyone, and yet, I'm worried about my son. I'm hopeful, but that's about it.
Matt has a huge lesson in store for him. My buddy, Will, keeps telling me to just shut my mouth and let him go. Doing that, he says, makes it more likely that Matt will be back at least for the holidays, and an occasional dinner at home. Will's rarely been wrong about this kind of thing. But it's not making it any easier.
